Of query letters, glasses, and trusting God

I sent in a query letter and a sample of my book to an agent last Monday. Which means that it's probably ON HER DESK RIGHT NOW AND SHE'S GOING TO READ IT AND AHHHHH. Sorry. I've been known to occasionally be disproportionately enthusiastic. I just can't help imagining what it would be like for an agent to actually say yes.

Because I'm neurotic and can't stop myself, I've been editing my book like an insane person ever since sending in the query letter. I know that, in theory, you're supposed to have polished a draft to perfection before sending it in, but I don't think that a book is really ever ready until printing. So I've been adding in scenes, cutting out others, and improving the dialogue throughout. Guys. I am so excited about this one. I think it actually stands a chance to get published. Maybe. We'll see, I guess.
This week, I found out that not only am I going to Burundi this summer, but I am also going to go to Guatemala! (Insert happy dance.) God is so awesome. I still don't know how it's going to work out, but that's part of the wonder of it all. It's sort of the same with living on campus. A girl from my Core and I are about 98% sure we're going to live in one of the dorms together next year for the specific purpose of reaching out to the community. At first, I was really hesitant because, as much as I wanted to do it, I had no idea where the money would come from. But I still could really sense God calling me there. I don't really know where the money will come from yet, but if God wants us there then he will provide for us somehow.
Yesterday I got my new glasses in the mail. I was sort of worried because I picked them out in a bad mood due to my yellow fever injection and blurry vision from my eye exam. But they're amazingly nerdy and cute. They're a little crooked, though, and I have to somehow find a way to get to Costco so that they don't drive me crazy.
Oh, and I found out that I'm going to be a conversation partner with an exchange student on campus. Which is awesome and everything, except that it falls on One Day without Shoes (you may remember my post about it last year). So basically I have two choices: 1) give my convo buddy an interesting first impression of Americans and college life in general, or 2) just wear shoes like a Normal Person. Guess which option I'm leaning toward?
Yup. That one.

God, The Fault in Our Stars and other bits of awesome.

I'd been wanting to read John Green's newest novel, The Fault in Our Stars, since it came out, but I am still clueless about how the Bellingham library works and I can't exactly afford to buy books. However, the other day I suddenly remembered that my lovely grandmother had given me an Amazon gift card for Christmas, and I immediately ordered the book. (Well, as soon as logging into Amazon, of course.) I started reading it last night when it arrived, and I finished it tonight. I think that I'd forgotten how much I loved reading. College--and writing on my own book quite extensively--had just drained me of energy for reading, but the more I think about the more I realize that's an awful mindset. I will always have to do something, and if I want to just wait for time to do the things that matter then I will never end up doing them.
Anyway. On to the book...
It was absolutely phenomenal. I've always loved John Green's works, but this is, from my opinion, his best. It is profound and funny, but also heartbreaking and real. It's one of those books that you pick up and in fifteen pages you already know it's going to be one of your favorites. So, yeah. You should read it, library or no. (Side note: for the first time ever while reading a novel, since I'm woefully unconnected with pop culture, I understood all of the allusions and felt extremely nerdy and extremely proud at the same time. DFTBA.)

[Insert awkward segue here], and, so, I'm pretty much in awe of what God has been doing in my life lately. I think that that for the majority of my life, I experienced little bursts of spirituality that honestly never really amounted to much other than contented complacency. I wanted to share my faith all the time, become hardcore, and fall completely in love with Jesus, but it never exactly happened.Well, things are different now. I don't know if I can adequately put into words what God has been doing in my heart (or if I'm truly hardcore--what does that even mean, anyway? I don't have abs made of steel), but it's quite terrifying and great. I think one of the most striking things that I've been learning, though, is that you might have your first big "surrender" when you accept Christ and all that, but the surrendering doesn't really stop there. You have to do it all the time because you forget that first time so easily.
I've also broken my little comfort bubble and asked people spiritual questions for Discipleship Class and gone conversational evangelizing. Yes, I'm rather incredulous as well.

God is kind of awesome.

The Learning Curve

This weekend, I attended a conference called Write on the River, which is a conference for writers. On a...river! (Bet you didn't see that one coming.) I went to several workshops, and at the end I got to meet with an agent.
Holy. Waffles.
Now, don't get me wrong. I've queried agents and publishers loads of times, but pitching a book in person is completely different. By the time my appointment came around, my palms were sweating and my voice threatened mutiny.
I introduced myself and started rambling a mile a minute about my most recent completed novel, tentatively entitled The Hostage.
This is how it went down:
"It's about this girl...whose mom dies and she and her dad move to a new city and--she really likes crime shows, so she's trying to figure out what actually happened--anyway, her dad goes missing too and...she finds weird files on his computer and goes to D.C. with her friends--and she finds out her dad was not actually her dad, but that he's really an undercover FBI agent. And the guy who really is her dad is her best friend's dad and is trying to poison the city because he's mad at the State for taking away his daughter. That's it!" *Deep breath.*
Excuse me while I go laugh and/or cry at myself.
Granted, my book isn't the easiest to explain, but I don't think that was my problem. I've just explained it so many times and I was so nervous for the appointment that I lost the pathos of my work. Instead of focusing on the character development, I just rapidly described the plot in a way that made it sound cliche and mundane. And yes, I hate myself for it. The agent was very nice, though, and recommended some books on plot development (zing!).
After thinking about my appointment today though, I realized that I--and quite a few Christians--have the same issue with Christianity. A lot of Christians have been hearing about Christ for years and are so nervous about sharing the fantastic message of the gospel, that they completely lose it. I know I do! Just like handing over your "baby" (writers-speak for manuscript) over to some lady in a black dress and heels is terrifying, so is sharing your very reason for existence. While it makes sense to you, anyone who doesn't agree with you is going to think you're absolutely insane.
Only...just because an agent (very nicely) rejected my book, does that mean I should stop writing? I couldn't if I tried! So whether you've shared your faith once, twice, or five hundred times, you should never stop because you make a fool out of yourself.
Because Christianity, just like writing, is a learning curve.

Barefoot

For the most part, I like to think of myself as a nonconformist. I listen to obscure music (think Doctor Who-themed Chameleon Circuit, which you should totally check out if you happen to be a fan of the Doctor, by the way), wear classic Chucks with my Sari dress, and have crazy frizzy hair that I don't bother to straighten. But as it turns out...I was wrong. Last year was the first time I heard about One Day Without Shoes, the TOMS-inspired day which is exactly what it sounds like: a day to go around barefoot and raise awareness about the need of kids in countries like South Africa and Honduras that don't have shoes. It's an awesome idea and I really wanted to do it last year, but...to put it bluntly, I chickened out. What I said was that I hadn't gotten the high school's okay to show up without shoes, but what I meant was, I was too dang terrified to not wear shoes. Which is, y'know, ridiculous. But I'll get to that later. So this year, as I am doing dual-enrollment at the local community college (which will remain unnamed to make sure you don't stalk me or anything), I decided to go for it! The morning of, I put on my jeans and flannel shirt, grabbed my backpack and...left! I did it! However, the scene in my bedroom before I left was sitcom, material. I kept going back and forth: I want to go barefoot. But what if my professor kicks me out of class? So what? It's for a good cause. But...I have perfect attendance! They won't even notice--professors don't look at feet. People will looookkk at meeee! That's because you're barefoot, sweetheart. Besides, it's a good cause. Just go, already! And I went. *Cue laughtrack and applause.* This is a little embarrassing to even type out. Here I was, thinking I was so different, inspired, and carefree and I almost couldn't even show up to class without shoes. I don't know what my deal was. After all, not wearing shoes is sort of like not wearing sleeves or gloves, except...not really. But the point is, shoes are an article of clothing that should be optional. How was I supposed to call myself nonconformist while freaking out over a clothing article? Let me tell you, it was a bit of an eye-opener. Then I realized...I'm a Christian. My views COMPLETELY contradict with most of the world's. I live life for God, or at least try to. But if I was worrying about people staring at my naked feet, what would I do if someone challenged my beliefs? Or got mad at me for talking about "religion?" What then? I hope that I would stand up for God and myself and just be different. But honestly, until last week, I don't know if I would have. If it hadn't been for One Day Without Shoes, I doubt if I would have noticed my conformity and had a chance to challenge it.

So here's to individualism, self-confidence, oh...and bare feet.